I believe everyone is nothing but an accumulation of people they’ve met and experiences they’ve had. It’s easy to forget that sometimes, and for that, I owe some people an apology.
You would love every single person if you knew their story. You would understand the motives behind their choices, why they care what they care about, the blueprint for the wall they put up around their heart. And you would love them for it, because their journey is so beautifully different than yours, and their path may have brought them to the other side of a thought you’ve been pondering. Like two people forming opinions on opposite sides of a piece in an art gallery.
The reason I bring this up is because I’ve been taking down some walls in my mind that I once was proud of, and took a lot of time carefully constructing them. I discover a new train of thought, and become determined to tell this to everyone, and imagine they’d be so inspired and it would change their life. I’m learning now how unfair that is, because what is right to me is not universally right. Right and wrong, when speaking about direction and actions in life, is completely subjective.
This may seem like a common sense point. Let me elaborate.
I haven’t had a serious relationship. Ever. I am genuinely happy about that.
When people take an outside glance at my life, they may think (and I know, because some have been bold enough to say) that I should get out there and date. I know they’re bringing forth advice from their heart in attempts to heroically save my pathetic love life.
But here’s the thing.
They weren’t there when I was drunk and 19 and he was saying “Just relax”. They weren’t there when he took advantage of me and said “I’ve been waiting all day to do this”, like every nice thing said on the date were points to be cashed in at the end of the night. They weren’t there when someone close to me lost a boyfriend because she wouldn’t sleep with him.
Maybe they have had glimpses of love stories, I haven’t. I’ve had people who have only left me dreaming of someone to care about my thoughts and my heart as much as I do. A romantic’s walk through the gallery led them to the front of a beautiful sculpture, where my journey has led me to the back; bent, jagged, not much to miss. Same thing, different perspective. Of course it seems their place to tell me to get on it and find a man, but I am 100% justified in my choice to step away. I have more than enough reasons to wait until I feel respected and safe. However; I can understand how they feel about the view from their side, because I know it’s much different than mine – we didn’t get there the same way.
On the same token, I have, on more than one occasion, seen qualities of myself in people that felt vaguely familiar to me, and I spoke to them as a subconscious way to speak to myself. I would be sorting through what I thought to be a similar issue (you detect what you want to), and selfishly gave advice with eyes free of humility, and an outstretched index finger. Like if they somehow followed my whimsical advice, I could live vicariously through them, and in tandem, save their life. To those people, I am sorry. You are where you are for a reason, be fully there now. You are who you are for a reason, just be. And be proud of being a masterful work in progress. You have every right to believe what you believe in at this moment, because every experience along the way has told you so. Just know, despite the hurricane of advice around you, you are justified.